The rules
Someone reads a dilemma and everyone names their option. Abstaining isn’t allowed — that’s the one hard rule. "Neither" kills a dilemma instantly, because the whole point is making a choice where both sides cost something.
Once everyone has answered, the real part starts: each person says why. This is usually where it turns out that two people picked the same option for opposite reasons, which is more interesting than the choice itself.
- You must choose; "neither" doesn’t count.
- Everyone names their option first, then explains.
- Don’t clarify the terms — the ambiguity is deliberate.
- No talking anyone out of their answer.
- You can skip a dilemma entirely, but you can’t invent a third option.
Playing as a couple
For two people this is the easiest way to learn how your partner makes decisions. Answer at the same time, on a count of three, rather than in turn: hearing the other answer first quietly drags your own along with it.
The second block was written for couples. Those dilemmas aren’t about a hypothetical future but about what someone is willing to give up right now, and the answers usually outlast the game itself.
- Answer simultaneously, not in turn.
- Always ask why — without it the game is empty.
- Don’t argue with your partner’s choice: you asked about them, not for the correct answer.
Playing in a group
A vote works best: everyone reveals their choice at once, then each camp briefly defends it. Two minutes per dilemma and the evening runs itself.
For a larger group, split the room: one option to the right, the other to the left. People physically see who they agree with, and the argument starts on its own without anyone hosting it.
- Three players and up; ten is still comfortable.
- Two minutes per dilemma, then move on.
- Better not to open the third block in a large group.
When a dilemma turns into a fight
The third block slides into a real argument easily, and that isn’t a flaw in the game — it’s its nature: questions about closeness and trust sound the same whether they’re a game or not. That is why there are six of them and not twenty.
If your partner’s answer stings, the worst move is to prove the other option was correct. The best one is to ask what sits behind the choice. A hypothetical is almost always about something real, and the fight starts when it gets answered as an accusation.
- A dilemma is neither a promise nor a confession.
- If a topic lands hard, stop the game and talk about it directly.
- Don’t bring someone’s answer back the next day as an argument.
